Sunday, February 15, 2015

MOVIE REVIEW: 50 Shades of Grey

Have you ever watched an 80s porn?  I watched this goofy one about George and Martha Washington.  No plot and lots of sex.

That just about sums up 50 Shades of Grey.

Not completely though.  50 Shades tries really hard to make us believe there is a plot to this movie.  Whether it be a beautiful love story (I seriously couldn't believe I read that on a comment somewhere) or just how screwed up the world is and how people try their hardest to overcome obstacles, there is an attempt at a plot.

Without dragging out the whole story (especially since most have read the book or at least have a general understanding of what the book is about), a brief synopsis of the movie's version is that Bella...oops.  I mean Ana *note sarcasm* is a young woman who has never found anyone that she liked enough to be more than friends with until she meets Christian.

Christian, in his own "50 shades of F***ed up" can't tell that Ana's innocence really means virgin and brings her into his Dom/Sub lifestyle.

And Ana follows along because she just can't leave him alone.  *insert moth to flame idioms*

And Christian lets her because he just can't leave her alone.

So they have sex.  Lots of it.  Because Christian doesn't do romance.  He F***s.  Hard.

What did I like about the movie?  My favorite part of the book was the emails back and forth.  I liked how they incorporated it into the movie by posting "text" balloons beside the character on the screen.  The only disappointing part was that you didn't get all the fun stuff of the subject lines and signatures changing per email like they did in the book which I thought was clever and fun, an attempt that tried to develop the characters.

I loved the gliding scene.  I can't even describe how happy that made me.

I was truly impressed with the Red Room of Pain.  Wow.  Talk about the equipment he had available to him.  Canes, floggers, ropes, pulleys, handcuffs.  Any true S&M enthusiast would be jealous.

What didn't I like?  Boobies.  There was just too much of Dakota Johnson's full naked body and not enough of Jamie Dornan.  Not that I was necessarily excited about Dornan, but when you consider what we were watching I'd have liked it to be slightly more even, especially since this was supposed to be a woman's skin flick.

Anything else I didn't like?  Well, probably the fact that reading most of what is written in the, albeit poorly written novel, is at least private.  Hearing those same words come out of the actors' mouths on screen with 100 of my not-so-closest friends?  Awkward.

What would I rate it?  About 2 Stars out of 5.  There wasn't a lot of development, although I'm assuming that is because they figure most who go see it have read the book so they don't need to work on the development.  I think they forgot that the characters were poorly developed in the book though.

Will I see the other two if they ever make the big screen?  Yeah.  I mean, what the hell, right?  It can't get any worse.

Can it?